I have always considered myself a cat person. I have found cats to be generally quiet, clean, and independent animals. Jeremy is also a cat person so a few years ago we decided that we needed a cat. On a trip to Grand Junction we followed-up on an advertisement in the paper for KITTENS. We drove to a dilapidated trailer set back from the road in a weed infested yard complete with goats on the roof and snarling dogs chained to a doghouse. An enormous woman came out with three or four dirty, feces encrusted mewing babies.
"Which one do you like?" Jer asked...
"Ummm...I guess this one is the least filthy?" I replied.
"I call that one Little Turd..." the goat woman said proudly.
"Hmm...really? Well, we'll call him Scrabble" Jer said.
We took him home and washed him with special cat grooming wipes. We fed him Kitten Chow and provided him with fresh water and clean litter. He was adorable. We snuggled with him on the couch and cooed over his cute kittenish ways.
Scrabble grew up. He grew into a fat, orange, stripy cat. The kind of cat whose likeness is featured on product packaging. The kind of cat you want to see sleeping in your windowsill with plants. The kind of cat that inspires watercolor paintings by grannies. The kind of cat who HATES me.
I am not certain what it is about me that irritates Scrabble...but it is clear he wishes me harm.
When I walk near him, he bites me.
When I pet him on the head, he bites me.
When he bites me, he draws blood. He leaves scars. He is is vicious.
Only last week he took an enormous chunk out of my calf.
He also pees on everything we own.
Jer says this is ALL because...
"You throw him"
I admit it, I have thrown him...in the past. But in my own defense, I have only thrown him for a few reasonable reasons:
1. He has just bitten me
2. He has just peed on something
3. He has just puked
I do not like to be bitten and I do not want to be known as "the cat pee people"
you know them...
the people who smell like CAT PEE.
We have since gotten a second cat...
because we wrongly assumed that if Scrabble had a friend he would perhaps not bite as often.
Fiona is a lovely cat...
She is gray.
She is small.
She is friendly.
She loves to be petted.
She does not bite and I have NEVER observed her peeing on anything we own.
I still consider myself a cat person...
I'm just not a Scrabble cat person.
